if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
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Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
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also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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