is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
