i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
the liver wants what the liver wants
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.