Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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