Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?