I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
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i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
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I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?