Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.

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  (773): I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne. http://tfl.nu/lh1l
  Replies (14) Good night (1244) Bad night (1231)
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  (323): View more from California

  literally had 100 drinks last night.

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  (323): literally had 100 drinks last night. http://tfl.nu/jkb6
  Replies (12) Good night (1471) Bad night (594)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

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  (219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won. http://tfl.nu/tu5d
  Replies (36) Good night (22057) Bad night (3428)
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  (310): View more from California

  I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.

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  (310): I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today. http://tfl.nu/yukz
  Replies (8) Good night (5394) Bad night (797)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?

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  (239): Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song? http://tfl.nu/r0ur
  Replies (5) Good night (3043) Bad night (776)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.

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  (516): Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style. http://tfl.nu/uxcc
  Replies (60) Good night (8501) Bad night (1849)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny

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  (860): Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny http://tfl.nu/2672
  Replies (9) Good night (2097) Bad night (1045)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.

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  (405): You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join. http://tfl.nu/8ui9
  Replies (4) Good night (1977) Bad night (719)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.

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  (505): He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable. http://tfl.nu/iadb
  Replies (4) Good night (345) Bad night (716)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.

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  (973): Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts. http://tfl.nu/8jrx
  Replies (4) Good night (347) Bad night (435)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea

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  (203): I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea http://tfl.nu/mb1p
  Replies (0) Good night (392) Bad night (477)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.

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  (970): I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through. http://tfl.nu/usec
  Replies (2) Good night (701) Bad night (410)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.

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  (412): It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life. http://tfl.nu/gcvx
  Replies (5) Good night (931) Bad night (406)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.

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  (519): I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest. http://tfl.nu/lsvd
  Replies (2) Good night (719) Bad night (440)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober

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  (256): sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober http://tfl.nu/05zz
  Replies (1) Good night (273) Bad night (130)

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