I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
