id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
