hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
