its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
