Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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