People in love make me want to vomit
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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