Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
