She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
