I'm really into asian looking animals
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
