marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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