Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
