So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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