WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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