dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
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I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
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I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.