I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....