Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.