Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
cat food counts as protein by the way
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.