Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
