we're chasing vodka with high fives
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
