ya dads aren't the best wingmen
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
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Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
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Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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