I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
