oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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