Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
