Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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