I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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