grandma shit on top of the toilet
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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