Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
