I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I am one with the molecules
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
