Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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