Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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