dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize