Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
