yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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