how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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