her vagina looked like bernie madoff
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
