My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
