I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
