Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
either way he was missing a nipple.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
