I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
