Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
where are my eyebrows?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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