I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
