Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
