somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I hate all girls vehemently.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i now understand why vodka
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
