Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
