when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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