Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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