I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
