I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
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I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
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6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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