I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
