I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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