It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she told me i tasted like america
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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