my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
