I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
