i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
