by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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