I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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