ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
