my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
handjob tips. give me some.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
