I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
