It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
