last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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