I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
