Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
